Grow Through It: Loss & Grief; War & Terrorism
Diane Foley, co-author of American Mother, recounts the story of her son Jim traveling to Syria as a journalist, and his kidnapping and murder by the terrorist group ISIS.
Jim went into conflict journalism primarily because three of his younger siblings were in the military and he wanted to understand why people would want to become soldiers, as he was a pacifist. And he wanted to understand what happens to civilians, particularly children, in the midst of conflict.
He was in and out of Syria during 2012. In Thanksgiving of that year, he was taken hostage. His mother describes the family going into one of its darkest times because he disappeared. Her family had no idea who had taken him and the U.S. government didn’t know either.
And they never spoke to him again.
The family found out from others who had been hostages that Jim was alive and in a Syrian prison. He had been taken by a radical Islamist group who started communicating with the family in November and demanding millions of dollars and the release of prisoners — which the family had no ability to accomplish. The U.S. government would not negotiate with terrorists, so the family was on its own to communicate with the jihadist captors. The captors stopped communicating soon thereafter.
The next time they heard from them was in August of 2014 when they threatened to kill Jim if the U.S. government did not stop bombing Yazidis.
Jim was brutally beheaded on August 19, 2014. A horrific image of the execution was distributed around the world and the family heard about it through a sobbing journalist who told them to look at Twitter.
Diane got through it through the goodness of others and through her faith in a loving God. She saw that goodness in people from around the world who had reached out to the family. Jim always saw the good, looked for the good in others, and aspired to be a man of moral courage. This inspired his mother to try to find the good in this unthinkable situation, to use the horror of what they’d been through for the benefit of others.
She and her family felt strongly that the U.S. government could do better. She was angry, felt patronized and deceived, as government officials kept telling her that Jim was their highest priority. In action, that was never true.
The government chose not to negotiate with the terrorists and would not allow the FBI to help the family negotiate.
Within three weeks of his murder, the Foleys started the James W. Foley Legacy Foundation, which is devoted to securing the freedom for innocent U.S. nationals taken hostage abroad, to promote journalist safety, and to inspire moral courage in ourselves and others.
Diane learned that all of us can use our voice and gifts to make a difference for good. Challenging our leaders to do better is part of the gift of democracy.
Prayer, exercise, and spending time with people of goodness helped her. Forgiveness has also been a big part of her journey — for herself in not doing what she might have done to help Jim come home (she trusted the word of others), for government officials, and even to challenge herself to see the jihadists, who did not see Jim as a person, as people who made horrible mistakes.
Diane suggests not being afraid to be with people when our tendency may be to isolate ourselves or hide after something like this happens. We need others.
She says there is much to learn from believing in a higher power and believes we miss out when we eschew any kind of religion or faith tradition. She thinks there is an inherent goodness in religious teachings that we can learn from.
Diane’s faith in God has helped her, has led her, has kept her whole.
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